Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
