he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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