Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
