Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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