I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
