is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize