he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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