going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
