Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
