where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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