yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize