I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
