i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
