i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize