I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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