I should be sponsored by Trojan
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
