Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
