I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
