I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
