Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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