So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
