I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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