When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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