Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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