the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
