Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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