Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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