I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
