alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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