We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
