you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
