I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
