No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize