New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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