i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
