Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
