Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
