you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
