I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
