I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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