I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
