toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
