Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Im part way to drunk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
