shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
