id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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