it hurts more in the daytime
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize