All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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