I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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