I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
