tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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