you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
