I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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