i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize