i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
