so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
