Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize