Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
