giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
tell me about the fingering
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