based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I look better un-naked...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
