What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
