I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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