she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
