Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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