I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize