I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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