you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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