i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
