So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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