i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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