Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
