What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
