Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
