Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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