Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
