Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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