4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
