It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
