Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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